forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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