The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Barsexuality is the new black.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
