You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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