but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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