A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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