I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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