i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
