she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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