You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
