i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
