RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
