I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
