Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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