I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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