im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
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There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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