Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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