I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
