My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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