Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
