winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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