if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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