were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
