Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
