Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
