I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
