i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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