Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize