So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
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Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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