I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
