Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
