do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
