next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
