lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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