I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
