Three words: puerto rican gang bang
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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