New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so let's talk penis.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
the liver wants what the liver wants
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
