every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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