I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
