you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
