i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus