If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
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I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
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The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.