the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
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Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick