It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?