working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
