You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
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I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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