____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
