every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
