I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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