If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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