I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
