Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
