Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
