ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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