never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
