I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
