I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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