you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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