so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
