Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
