her vagine was all disorganized.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
