The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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