I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
