went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
