you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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