she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
How naked do you want me to be?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
