if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
