I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
