I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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