i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You're like the curious george of whores
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This is the high leading the old right now
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
