I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
