At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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