if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
