her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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