I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
