puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
