so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
