We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
