life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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