I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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